The Brave Little Toaster

Today Has Just Begun - Day 20

2011-07-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

Obviously, there has been quite a gap in my blogging entries. I have thought and thought about what it was that made me lose the motivation. I think I have it figured out. On the 3rd of July my family and I had the usual Sunday dinner except that we did a BBQ this time with fireworks. Awesome! We still had healthy food around and some unhealthy food, but I definitely could have stayed strong and made good eating choices. My husband and I had said, on the way over, that were just going to have fun and not count our calories (this was my first mistake). Like I said in an early post, when I don't count calories, or even have one cookie I begin to think, "Well...I've already had one, I might as well have one more." Then when I hate myself after having 2 cookies I think, "Well... I've already ruined my calorie count for the day so I might as well just eat what I want." All it takes is the first cookie to ruin me, or the first thought of, "I'm no counting calories."

I figured that since I had been so good that I could easily jump back on the healthy wagon the next day. So I ate what ever I wanted. I ate a hamburger, a hot dog and a good amount of my s'more cookie creations. I realized at one point when I went to grab some more food, that I didn't even want it. I wasn't even hungry and didn't really care to eat it. But, with the food in my hand I thought that I might as well eat it because I wont be able to tomorrow. I mindlessly ate whatever I wanted.

I bet you can guess exactly how I felt the next day. Awful. Awful for what I had eaten and awful for what I had put into my body. None of those sweets and extra food made me feel good. In fact they made me feel worse. I had stomach issues for a while after and just felt sick. You would think that one day of that is all it would take to get me back to eating healthy and I would here and there, but I wasn't consistent. Then I saw that my weight had gone up 2 pounds, or so. This drove me into a further downward spiral.

First, I love when I can get on the scale and see that my weight is down. Seeing that number fall is the most motivating thing about trying to lose weight. It shows you that your hard work, calorie counting and sweet deprivation has paid off. It shows me that I am one step closer to my goal weight. But then the exact opposite happened when I get on the scale after my week of struggling. I saw that not only had I not lost weight but had gained some. My need and want to be healthy was diminished. I got so discouraged and grabbed a tub of ice cream, to what? Get me even farther from my goal? Yep. That is exactly what it did. Why is it that I think that eating a tub of ice cream will make me feel better because it never does? If anything, I hate myself even more afterwards and my body thanks me with indigestion, upset stomach and all that fun stuff.

I have dug myself out of that hole day by day though. It started with my cousin, Cassie. I was talking to her one day about my weight loss struggles and she gave me some awesome advice. I complained to her about how hard it can be sometimes to keep track of everything and that I just wanted to give up. She lightened my spirit by simply saying, "Do what works best for you. You know how to lose weight, do it the way you have before." She also recommended a book about how your mind has so much to do with you losing weight. It is a constant mind battle over your body. It made me think about all the times before when I was working out and would say, "You can do it, you can make it up this hill, you are so strong!" Why wasn't I implementing this lesson I knew into everyday life? I need to always tell myself this so that I can make it to the next hour being healthy, then make it through the day being healthy, and then I know it will expand to a week and a year and before you know it there I'll be, a healthy Tazia.

I was then helped a lot when I worked out with my sister, Kateka, and cousin, Sarah. We all three made a goal to lose weight this week so that when we worked out again on Saturday we could report back with the amount we had lost. They both said that even if it was only a little bit of weight lost, that would be enough. I don't know why that was so motivating for me, maybe setting a goal, or maybe just the idea that even if I lose some weight, no matter how small, it is still worth praise.

I ate healthy that day, along with yesterday and today is starting out great. Today has just begun and I'm going to make it.

Today I Slacked - Day 11, 12, 13

2011-07-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

I think that because it was the weekend and the 4th of July weekend that I didn't really pay much attention to anything. I didn't work out on the 11th day but ate really well. Then on day 12 and 13 I didn't eat well or exercise. I admit that it was nice to not have to count calories but at the end of the day I didn't feel good at all. It is so surprising that by not eating well or exercising you just don't feel good. I didn't have energy and went all lazy. I didn't like it.

But those three days have given me a new kind of motivation. Its not that I have to eat these many calories to lose weight, and exercise this much to lose weight. Now it is I want to eat these many calories and exercise this much because I want to live healthy. I want this to be a new lifestyle, not just a temporary change. I want to have a healthy life.

Today It Was My Bike - Day 10

2011-07-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

Calories - 1,300

Exercise - 30 minutes spinning, 15 minutes running and stairs

Water - 98 ounces

Today was fairly good. The only thing that I would change is probably eating breakfast. I had to go into work today (I normally work from home) because I had a team meeting. I work at 6 AM in the morning and so I had to get up at 5 AM to be there on time. I was frantic to get to work on time and didn't eat anything but figured I would grab some cereal or fruit at work or something. We got so busy at work though that I never got a chance. Then when we had the meeting I was so hungry in there that I thought I might throw up on the boy next to me. I even said to him, "I might throw up on you." I think he thought I was joking. Ha! Jokes on you boy, if I had thrown up on him. Luckily, I had some water to tease my stomach into thinking that I was giving it nutrients. I don't usually miss breakfast though. It has been pounded into my head how important it is. Since I work from home I usually will grab a bowl of cereal or something during a break in the morning and eat then. So I guess its not that bad that I missed it today.

Anywho... so my bike motivated me today. Its kind of silly, but awesome! I worked all day today and got off at 9 PM. I knew that the rec center closed earlier than 10 PM on the weekends, it would be dark outside by the time I got off and I'm not too fond of working out in the dark outside. That just screams, "Please attack me!" Then I remembered that my apartment had a puny gym with 3 cardio machines and thought that it was better than nothing. So I worked out there. I rode the spinning bike that had this incredibly intense screen that would show you all the normal information you get from an exercise machine, but then it would actually lead you through a work out and it was pretty awesome.

While I was reading what my machine was telling me to do next this came up.

Then to make this bike even more awesome it gives me more encouragement!

Its amazing that just these two phrases made me push harder. It reminded me that this weight loss is for me and totally got me through the work out. I will definitely be biking on that bike again.

Today I Was Disappointed - Day 9

2011-06-30T23:33:00.000-07:00

Calories - 1,700
Exercise - 1 hour of vigirous cleaning
Water - 98 ounces

I'm a bit disappointed in myself and had a hard time not beating myself up about not blogging yesterday. I didn't even log my calories or exercise. I did workout though! I swam and I love swimming. My favorite thing about swimming is when I go under and push of the wall to start my lap. For those few seconds when I'm gliding through the water I am feel like I'm flying. Then because I'm under water I can't hear anything. It is the most amazing thing to be flying through the silent water. It is so calming and I'm completely addicted to it.

So after my calming yet difficult swim workout I went home and ate some food and then me and my husband ran erands all day. The only down part about yesterday was that I didn't eat hardly anything. I think I might have had 600 calories at the most. The beginning of the day was good and then, because of a fight with the hubby, it went bad. We both didn't eat anything and completely made up today but yesterday was just not a good day for either of us. I think it was because of the bad day that I didn't blog. I was angry, upset and didn't care to blog or care to eat for that matter.

I tried to do better today but didn't get to workout like I wanted. My mother-in-law came over and before she came I ran around like a crazy trying to get my apartment looking perfect for when she arrived. I was cleaning so hard and so quickly that I was dripping sweat, it was pretty gross. It was especially annoying when I was mopping the floor and would drip over areas I had just mopped, argh. But I'm happy to say that my apartment looked great for when she came over. It was fun to be with her too. We had a healthy lunch and then me and my husband did school stuff for the fall semester all day yesterday.

I felt myself lose my motivation yesterday because I ate way more salmon for dinner than I should have. But that wasn't the worst part. When my mother-in-law came over she told us that Splenda is not very good for you, but in moderation its fine. I don't really use Splenda in moderation. I confess! I love this stuff. I will use it all the time in tea. I look at it as the one thing that I can have that totally satisfies my need for sweet. But as we read about some things that can come from having too much Splenda we decided that it is probably best to cut it out of our diet or just use it every now and then, but not in a few glasses of tea everyday.

I honestly feel like I have been robbed of the one thing that kept me sane. The one thing that I could have and didn't feel guilty about. I love the calming wonders of tea and I loved that it was so tasty and no calories. But now I'm worried that it is damaging my body in other ways. Does anyone know much about Splenda, is it really as bad as I'm thinking? Is it okay to have it in one cup of tea a day? I'm so sad about this. Then I worry about all the little to no calorie foods I have been eating. Is this a bad thing in all foods? Like Crystalite? I love that stuff too! I need help finding new low calorie sweets to keep me sane through those tough moments. But then I feel so weak and lame for even having those moments. Blah...

I don't want to be too hard on myself but at the same time I feel like I need to be. I need to be tough on myself so that I don't give up and I don't give in. I'm going to make tomorrow better. It will be a new day and I'm not going to beat myself up for mistakes that are in the past. There isn't much I can do about it now except look forward to a new day and learn from those mistakes.

Today I Was Loved - Day 7

2011-06-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

Calories - 1,600

Exercise - 20 minutes pulling weeds, 45 minutes spinning

Water - 75 ounces

Weight - 260 pounds

I was totally motivated to workout and then I went to work. By the time I was off, the last thing I wanted to do was workout. I wanted to be lazy and not do anything. When this lack of motivation is really bad, like so bad that I can tell I'm not going to workout, then I watch an episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. I watch these people who are so morbidly obese and see them lose weight, workout everyday and eat healthy. It makes me think that if they can do this, so can I. I have no excuse to not workout because I'm far healthier than a 700 pound man and should take advantage of it. Those episodes give me motivation and I love them. I love seeing them transform into the person they have always wanted to be. If you get a chance you should watch them, they are on hulu.com.

So after watching an episode, I was ready to climb a mountain and then swim the ocean I was so motivated. I got a call from my sister though and she told me that she was going to go over to my moms and mow her lawn. She is so sweet and always thinking of others. I need to be more like her. So I went over too and pulled weeds. I didn't really kill myself doing it because there were just a few weeds here and there. But it wasn't the exercise I was going for, I just wanted to make sure my moms front yard looked good. After, me, my sister and mom sat around and talked and a surge of insecurity hit me. I asked them if they felt like they had to be excited for me when I lost weight because I do this all the time. They laughed and reassured me that they were proud of what I was doing. I loved being with them.

After my sister left, I stayed with my mom for a bit and talked and laughed with her. I had to drag myself away though and go exercise. I hate leaving her. I wanted to just stay there with her all night to laugh and talk.

I went to the rec. center and rode their spinning bike. I like the spinning bike because I get more resistance with it and I can bike standing up. Plus, the bike is facing this massive window and so I get to look outside while I bike. Watching the continuous flow of cars come is almost hypnotizing and soothing to watch, as I kill myself on the bike. Normally I will bike in the morning or afternoon, but it was night and so there was a glare on the window and I could see myself perfectly in it. When I would get to the point where I didn't feel like I could do more I would keep pushing and pushing. I would watch my legs move up and down in the window and imagine them skinny. The battle between my mind and body was a massive fight, but my mind won. I got the killer workout I was looking for and was ready to fall asleep the moment I got home.

On a side note... my husband remembered me saying, one time, that I wanted a teapot with a steeper inside so that I could make loose teas. Being the best husband ever, he bought me an awesome teapot with a steeper! I'm so excited for it. He said that he was making up for not getting me anything on Valentines. He is so sweet.

So today I was loved. I was loved by my sister for calling and talking to me. She could have called anyone else but wanted to talk to me and I love her for that. I was loved by my mom. She is so supportive of me and I had so much fun being with her. I was loved by my husband for the cute texts I get through out the day and the awesome teapot he got me. He also loves me for losing weight with him. It is much easier when he and I are both motivated to lose weight. Lastly, I was loved by myself today. As hard as the workout got and as much as I wanted to give up, I kept going. I did it for me. I did it for my self-esteem. I did it because I love myself enough to push harder than I have before.

Today I Didn't Exercise - Day 6

2011-06-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

Calories - 1600
Exercise - 10 minutes of walking
Water - 75 ounces

I didn't exercise today, and it totally put me in a bad mood all day. I didn't feel good like I do on days when I work out and I was angry and mean all day, sorry AJ; he got the worst of my bad attitude. I didn't feel confident and didn't feel like I normally do. I had the intentions of working out. I was going to take my dog, Ernie, for a walk for like 30 minutes. We will usually walk around this lake, on some parts we will jog and it is a good cardio work out for me and Ernie. But it was hot yesterday and so we were outside for maybe 10 minutes when poor, black haired, Ernie started to get hot and pant. When he gets too hot or tired he doesn't push through it he just stops. So after 10 minutes of walking we had to stop and then I just turned our outing into more of a relaxing day outside instead of a workout. It was nice to be outside and just enjoy nature and the lake but I really wanted to workout. I thought that I would just workout later tonight and bike or something but when it came time I got lazy and didn't. I totally regret it now.

Its almost a good thing that I didn't workout though because now, for tomorrow, I'm super motivated. I have seen what I feel like and how unhappy I am when I don't workout and its like my body needs it now and craves it. I'm going to kick butt tomorrow and really work hard. I did eat good though. I ate the amount of calories I was supposed to and it surprisingly felt like a lot of food. I always think that I have to starve myself to get in the right amount of calories, but really I get a lot of food when I eat healthy. I did this with some wheat thins. I was wanting to eat a roll and thought that I could have one roll or 16 wheat thin crackers, and so I chose the crackers.

I do still battle with myself on what I can and can't have. I constantly want to eat more food, but I have to tell myself not to and remind my cravings of why I am losing weight. I have to picture myself thin, or imagine wearing smaller sizes and that usually helps me to stay away from more calories than I need. Its hard though. Its hard because its a constant battle with myself. I have to keep reminding myself of why I'm doing this and that it is worth it. It is worth it to be healthy for me, for AJ, for my future family. They are worth it and I am worth it.

Today I Struggled - Day 5

2011-06-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

Calories - 1,300

Exercise - 30 minute biking

Water - 64 ounces

Today me and my family met up for Sunday dinner. I love getting together with them and we had a lot of yummy healthy food, but we also had rolls and cookies. I was allowing myself to eat one cookie because it would have added to my calories for the day, and I was okay with having more. Plus those cookies looked amazing. I stood over them thinking, "Its okay, you calculated a cookie into your day," but then I thought about how crazy addicted I am to that taste and how if I had one I may be okay with having another. This can then lead to, "Well the dinner is ruined so I might as well just start dieting tomorrow..." As you can imagine, I have been down this road before. I wanted to make sure I stayed good to keep my future me healthy.

I also wanted to have many rolls with butter and jam on them. The smelled so good and looked delicious but I allowed 2 rolls by themselves and they were just what I needed to satisfy that urge. I drank a good amount of water and had a great day over all because even though it got a little ruff today, I stayed strong.

Today Was About Nutrition - Day 4

2011-06-25T23:22:00.000-07:00

Calories - 1100 (still fell short today, dang it)

Exercise - 40 minute bike ride

Water - more than 64 ounces, but stopped keeping track after that

Today me and my husband went shopping for a whole bunch of healthy groceries. We wanted to have healthy food around and mostly produce. The awesome thing that we did is right when we got home we cut up all our food and put it in bags. This way we don't let the food go bad in the fridge because we didn't eat it because we were too lazy to cut up the celery or clean the grapes...etc. Here are our baggies of vegetables and fruits all lined up.

Here is a better idea of all the food we now have on hand. Instead of getting crazy hungry and getting fast food, we have healthy choices all ready to go for any snacking craving.

So we had some salad for lunch after we prepared all those vegetables and fruit. Then had tea as a desert. The nice thing about tea is that it is so good, sweet with Splenda, and has no calories.

Today I Ate Out - Day 3

2011-06-24T23:43:00.001-07:00

Calories - 1600
Exercise - 45 minutes of weight lifting, and 20 minutes of walking Ernie
Water - 120 ounces

Today went good, I ate breakfast to start off my metabolism and surprisingly it made me feel better. I was feeling tired, angry and achey, but once I had something on my stomach my mood changed and my body felt better. It's amazing to me at the way your body tells you it needs nutrients. I had no idea that your mood would be effected by how hungry you are.

I went to our local rec center to work out. I like it there. I like that it is big enough that I can workout, get red in the face and drench my clothes in sweat and no one knows me, is by me or even really cares. When I feel like I'm alone I can breathe heavy and really get into my workout. There were so many times today that I really pushed my body to the max. I lifted weights and wanted to really push myself hard. I would do as many reps as I could and then add one more just to prove to myself that I could. I just kept repeating in my head, "you can do it, you can lift this one." I had to keep saying it because if I didn't I would stop and give up. It felt good to push myself like that; to keep going when I was sure there wasn't any strength left in my muscles.

One thing that I noticed I really like from working out is my attitude. I was so unhappy and depressed and when I started working out I just felt better and more in tune with my body. I had so many angry customers today that they would ruin anyone's day. I was even tempted with the thought of not working out but I declined it. I knew that if I exercised I would be more positive and happy and it worked.

I did eat out today at Chili's with some friends. I'm not going to kill myself over it though because I made healthy choices. Me an my husband split a dish and so we didn't spend much money and didn't over eat. I drank so much water while we were there too. Water is a miracle the way it can fill you up to help prevent you from over eating. My one down fall was mostly the chips and salsa. I ate way more than I should have, but I'm not going to best myself up about that one thing when I made so many good choices today. I was able to eat out and still feel good about it. I love it! 140 pounds here I come!

Today I Was Strong - Day 2

2011-06-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

Calories - 850

Exercise - Jillian Michael's Yoga 45 minutes

Water - 80 ounces

Today was a good day. I love good days. No, I cherish good days. I look back on them and think about the times when I was strong and they end up strengthening me. They really are what I thrive on when I try to lose weight. I did have temptations come up like... "Maybe I should get some Oreo's," or "I think a shake for lunch sounds good," but I pushed them it out of my head just as quickly as it came in. I remembered what I felt like when I was younger and leaner and yearn for times when I didn't feel like I was wearing a body suit. I drove myself today. I was so motivated that I didn't question working out. I think I was a little too motivated though because I hardly ate. I thought I was doing perfect through out the day and wasn't really paying attention until I looked at my total at the end of the day. I was surprised and kind of disappointed that I didn't eat enough today. But lesson learned and I will pay closer attention tomorrow.

I did keep track of my water today! I am pretty proud of my 80 ounces. I also liked today because me and my husband made up a grocery list of mostly produce to help us in our new healthy lifestyle. Then I went online and looked up some recipes for some healthy lunches and dinners we could make. I was mostly stuck on this site. I liked that she had recipes to relate to some of your favorite dishes at restaurants, but far healthier. I also liked that she introduces you to products on the market that are trying to help you lose weight. It makes you feel like someone in the food industry would like you to succeed. So today was really a preparation day for the new life ahead of me. I'm excited for this new point of my life where I am finally becoming the Tazia that I have always wanted to be.

Today It Was My Mom - Day 1

2011-06-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

Calories - 1,500

Exercise - 30 minutes biking, 1 hour cleaning (I'm so counting this because I always work up a sweat)

I had so many thoughts come into my head after I posted yesterday all the way to today. I was thinking, "Wow, what have I done? Why in the world did I post that? What will people think of me? Do I really want to do this? What will people think if I quit on the first day? Maybe I should lie about working out? Who would know? I would know. Blast." Then I realized... as sad as this my be...I'm not doing this for you! I'm doing this for me! Then I had answers to all my questions and was motivated all over again.

I did good on food today, but I think I need to drink more water. I'm not keeping track now, I know that I have drank enough to make me pee often (sorry if that is TMI), but again, I haven't been tracking it and am pretty sure its not enough. So for tomorrow I will start tracking that.

It was hard to get out the door today and work out. I was in that lazy mode and didn't want to move. I forced myself to do it though. As I was biking today I thought about my mom a lot. In fact all day today I have thought about my mom a lot. She and I used to bike together all the time and so I guess now when I bike it reminds me of her. I thought about times when she would take me on trips, and things she would say to me, that were basically words of encouragement to help me make it up the hike with her. I thought about hiking all over this rock with her on one of our trips and the glow she had when we did. She loves the outdoors. When I remembered that glow she had it made me look around and realize that I'm the most happy when I'm outside. It was her that got me through the day today. She helped me to get through my workout because my mind was hiking with her.

So I didn't give up today! I ate healthy, I exercised, I didn't cheat, I have more confidence and I love me. Thanks for your help today mom. I needed it.

My Prime Year

2011-06-21T18:43:00.000-07:00

When I was little I always thought that my "prime" year would be when I was 23. I thought that would be the time when everything was perfect for me. I thought that I would be perfect in everything including my perfectly thin body. The thing is... is that I'm missing that thin body. I don't really ever talk about my weight much, if ever, because it is an insanely sensitive topic for me. There have been numerous occasions when I have felt worthless because of how much I weighed. I have let my weight expand while my self-esteem diminished. I have watched those around me and there is not a moment that passes when I look and them and think, "I'm too disgustingly fat to be here." I have made chairs bend or break, I have been asked to get off of a ride at Lagoon because of my weight, I have been looked at in demeaning ways from complete strangers along with friends and family. I have let it all eat away at me to the point where I have reached, possibly my darkest moments, of depression. I have let my weight become the one constant in my head telling me, "You're not good enough."

I am here to announce that this time is over and that this is going to be MY PRIME YEAR! I'm laying all out on the line for everyone to see. I'm not hiding this any more! I'm not pretending anymore that I don't have a weight problem. (Isn't that the first step of something? Admitting you have a problem?) Well... here I am admitting it. I have a problem. I don't want your empathy or sadness. I only can handle encouragement, to be honest.

I think that the things that work the best for me is being held accountable. Even if you don't ever respond to anything, I know that your watching me and that is practically enough. I will have the knowledge that there is someone, somewhere keeping track of me and my weight and I'm holding myself accountable to you. Maybe I am even just holding myself accountable to my future self.

So...here are my GOALS!

I AM going to blog everyday to let you know how I'm doing. Even if I just log my calories and exercise, I'm blogging everyday. I'm going to talk out every frustration and every obstacle I come upon. I'm going to tell you when I did bad and when I did good. I'm going to lay it all out there.
I AM going to lose 130 pounds this year. My goal is to be at 140 pounds. So, from your math you should know that I am currently 270 pounds.
I AM going to exercise everyday, excluding Sundays.
I AM going to eat healthy everyday!
I AM going to gain my self-esteem back.
I AM going to be a confident person.
I AM not going to be ashamed any more.

I'm ready for this. I'm tired of not being the girl that I want to be. I'm doing this for me. I am allowing myself this one selfishness and am going to be completely selfish about my body. I am going to make this my prime year. So... remember June 21st because this time next year you can plan on me being 140 pounds.

The Old Me

A Tribute to My Siblings

2011-01-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

I was driving to school the other day, thinking about my sisters and brother and wondering what they think of me, the life that I have and how it has turned out. I was hoping that they weren't disappointed in me, wishing that they were proud of me and it was then that I realized how much I love them and how grateful I am for the influence and examples they have been to me. I began to think of each of them and how much I have learned from them and how I have been shaped from our experiences together, which then led me to remember some of the times that I loved the most with them, and things they have done to make me look up to them. So... Makayla, Travis, Kateka, this is to you. I hope you know I love you and I hope you're proud of me.

Makayla

I don't know how to express how much of an example you have been to me. I didn't realize it for the longest time and feel foolish for that. You have been encouraging me to be an artist for as long as I can remember. I know I often brushed off the idea and was determined to do something in mathmatics and am so grateful that you saw what I could be and helped me discover that.
I remember the first time that I went to Logan when you were in college and how you let me just tag along with you for a week to your classes. I loved them. I loved that you loved them. I loved how you had a passion for something you were learning. That it wasn't just something you had to do but something that you wanted to do. I know it was because of you that I decided to be a graphic designer. I also remember a time when you came home one weekend and were working on a drawing of yourself and let me sit next to you while you did it and let me use your drawing materials so that I could draw with you. That is one of my favorite memories to look back on. You showed me how to draw, and how to use charcoal, and I had so much fun doing it.
I love how you showed me to have fun and be silly. I loved the day when it was me and you at home and you took me away from whatever I was doing and dressed me up all crazy, with monster red lips and massive ratted hair.
Thank you for teaching me how to have boundries and not let people walk all over me. Thank you for being strong and letting me lean on you in hard times. I love you.

Travis

I couldn't have asked for a better brother. I think above anything else you have taught me that I can do anything I set my mind to. No math problem, or obstacle can stand in my way with you holding my hand. There was one time on your mission that you wrote me and said that the universe were at my finger tips and all I needed was grab it. I feel like me and you are so similar in personality and have always felt such a strong connection with you because of that. I loved being the little brother that you never had. I loved that if you ever got a new CD it was always me that you would pull into your room so that we could lay there and listen to every song. And one Christmas Eve when me and you stayed up to the wee hours of the morning and played the Super Nintendo and then when we were pretty sure our presents were out we took your flashlight and shinned it over the banister to look at our piles of presents. I love that every now and then just me and you will go to a movie. I look forward to times when we can do it again. I have always loved hanging out with you and still do.
I love that your always there. I know that if I ever need you for anything, anything at all you will jump at the chance to help. There was one time in high school, when mom was on some trip and I got really mad at Kateka and needed someone and you took me for a drive and talked me through everything while I cried on your shoulder. You have always been so nice to me and I don't think words can say how much I appreciate it. I love you Travie.

Kateka

I am pretty sure that me and you were supposed to be twins and then Heavenly Father realized that for some reason you needed to be older than me. Thank you for letting me always be your side-kick and hanging out with you and your cooler/older friends. I have loved always being with you, even if its only for a little. I miss you, I miss being with you as often as we were when we were little. Do you remember when I was mad because you were growing up? I still get a little mad over it. Too bad we can't stop that. I hate that we get so busy with everything and only get a phone call here and there. But I cherish them. I love talking to you.
I love that I can bring any problem to you, any crazy fit that I'm having and you have a way of making everything better. You can calm me down no matter the situation. I can think of a billion of examples when I have been in emotional, physical or spiritual termoil only to have you right there next to me helping to get me through it, like fights with AJ, getting in car accidents, getting the chicken pox, or my favorite getting a concusion and waking up to see you sitting there by the couch waiting for me to wake up so that we could play SPLAT. Doing what ever you could to make your little sister feel better. You still do that, and I love you so much for it and I don't think words can describe how grateful I am for it. Thank you for being you and always watching out for me along the way. I know that sometimes I haven't been very grateful for that and so I want you to know that I am eternally grateful for it. I love you so much.

To all three of you

Thank you for being spiritual giants and showing me that Heavenly Father is always there. Thank you for being such amazing examples with the lives you lead. I look up to you so much and words can't describe how much I love you and how grateful I am for you. Thank you for everything you have done for me, for teaching me, for loving me unconditionally. I love that I get to go through life with you as my best friends. Thank you, I love you.

Can you picture it?

2010-11-29T20:10:00.000-08:00

I will often write little things like this in my notes for school and this is one I wrote today. I liked it and thought I would share.

I can’t even think when I keep seeing these captivating scenes of Utah Lake in front of me. It is so gorgeous that words can’t describe and a picture won't capture. It is cloudy except for one area right above the distant mountains that is illuminated and it is reflective in the dark blue gray water on the ripples. There is a single beam of light that is brightest among the glow and with the haze of the surrounding clouds the mountains look painted with soft brush strokes. It almost looks like the entrance to heaven. It glows in a soft orange color and now I can begin to see the sun itself through a thick amount of clouds. It is a floating, glowing orb of radiance and the reflection on the water is even more captivating. The sun is going away now behind the mountains and the thick dark clouds are enveloping it. I capture one last glimpse of the sun as it leaves me for the day and its last bits of sunshine scatter across the once luminescent scene.

Paintings for your Pleasure

2010-11-27T11:39:00.001-08:00

I absolutely adore my Art History class. I have learned so much about history and how it is portrayed through art through the ages. I though I would share with you some of my new favorite paintings and if I can remember explain a little about them. So if your not an Art History buff, this may be boring but maybe you will learn something new for the day! (also this will help me for my final coming up! Also, want to let you know that there is some nudity in this so don't look if you don't want to see.)

This is called Giovanni Arnolfini and His Bride by Jan Van Eyck. Okay, so first off I didn't like this painting at all because they people are obviously not in proportion or anatomically correct but after learning about it I started to love it. The first thing I said when my teacher asked, "What do you think about this painting?" I blurted out "Haha! He looks like the mad hatter!" I obviously have a deep thinking artistic mind. But what amazed me is the detail in the painting, its everywhere but the best part is that the artist painted a mirror in the back that is reflecting the artist and the priest that is performing this marriage. AWESOME! I loved that and more but there are way to many things that would probably bore you to tears and I have a few more paintings I want to share.

This is The French Ambassadors by Hans Holbein the Younger. This painting is awesome because how precise and detailed it is, but the coolest thing is the skull at the bottom of the painting. It is stretched and skewed so that you cant see what it is at first but the artist did this with out photoshop or anything, they think it was done with a mirror but it is seriously awesome. The symbolism behind it means something like death can be right in front of you and you can't see it.

This is Abduction of the Sabine Women by Bologna! Seriously not even kidding that is the artists last name, and now you will never forget it! I didn't like this at first because it seemed awkward that they were so stacked on each other, but that is exactly what the artist wanted you to feel when you looked at it. The reason I like it so much is because the story is the original 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. This is the Romans taking their women. Not only that but I can't believe at how realistic this sculpture is! You can even see the indentations of the Romans fingers in the Sabine woman's behind, and her feet look so real its just astounding that this is made with marble. Sorry for the nudity.

This is The Fate of the Animals by Marc. This artist just thought that humans were corrupt and that animals were the only pure things left on Earth, so he painted animals. I love the colors and lines in the painting. They make it so intriguing and beautiful to look at.

This is The Portuguese by Braque. If you look hard you can see that this is a painting of a Portuguese guitar player. This is an artist that worked along side Picasso and they discovered the cubist style of art together. This kind of art is basically painting a subject from many different points of perspectives. I love the simplicity of the color and the complexity of the dimensions. It is just to amazing to me. I immediately fell in love with this painting.

Sorry again for the nudity. This is called Luncheon on the Grass by Manet. I hated this painting the first time I looked at it. I hated that there were these 2 fully clothed men and a naked women and another almost naked woman bathing in that stream. I thought that this artist was one who would paint nudes just to paint them or that maybe the women were symbolic of something else and not really there (which was done a lot back then). But that is not the case at all. That naked women is really there, you can see her clothes off to the left. Come to find out that when this painting was done everyone hated it, and hated how the women was naked and didn't look flirtatious or embarrassed. Then I looked at her more closely and thought she is so at ease with the situation that she is looking at you in a way to make you feel uncomfortable. That is when I loved this painting. I was amazed that an artist could capture the exact expression and paint it to make her look confident, at ease, and evoke that kind of feeling in me with this one subject. Words can't describe how envious I am of that kind of talent.

Hope you learned something new and even found a new painting that you like!

Long Time, No Read

2010-11-18T06:28:00.000-08:00

As life has been ridiculously busy with work, school, and new dog I never have time for anything, let alone the blog. But I always have ideas on things to write. I wanted to tell you things I love and am grateful for at the same time, in spirit of Thanksgiving. So... I LOVE...

-standing at the gas station and hearing all the cars start their engines, it feels like I'm about to watch a race.
-working at 6 AM, because I get to watch the sunrise every day.
-hearing everyone say a "t" or "s" sound when singing a hymn in church.
-UVU, the campus is so beautiful I can hardly stand it.
-being an art major. That's right, I'm in Graphic Design now and I cant believe I didn't think of this sooner. I love art, art history, photography, graphic design, designing in general. I love it all. (pictures to come of my new learning art work!)
-AJ's new motivation streak. I am astounded at his motivation lately. He works so hard for me and him to have what we need. He works so hard for his new healthy, sexy body, and is even doing Tai Kwan Do on top of work and school, I can't believe him. He is so freaking amazing and I love him to death.
-my Christmas tree and decorations. They make my just look at them and listen to their little music box sounds.
-Heavenly Father. He watches over me all the time and helps me with so much. I wouldn't be able to do it with out him.
-the sound of clapping.
-when Annie (Ernie's new friend and our new dachshund) pees outside.
-no bake cookies. Not the healthiest treat but oh so simple and wonderful for chocolate cravings.
-clean laundry, and no matter how hard I try I can never get it all done! How does it keep piling up? Argh the never ending laundry battle.
-my siblings and mom. Thanks for helping me to stay a normal and sane human being through this crazy life of ours.
-and so much more.

Thats all I have to say for now, but will have more later!

Always Reminded...

2010-05-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

AJ and I did some yard work yesterday for my mom. We trying to help get the house ready for when she tries to sell it and it was sunny for a little yesterday, so we took advantage of it and tried our best to do as much work as we could. AJ was so wonderfully nice to me and mowed the lawn and tried fix the weed-wacker, while I weeded the flower bed. We were taking a little break and drinking out of our water bottles when he saw some of our neighbors across the street.

Here is a little background knowledge about the neighbors across the street. One New Year's Eve my brother-in-law saw some of their kids trying to get into one of my sibling's car outside, and followed the kids home and told their parents. Then last summer I went to take Ernie outside late one night, only to find out that our front door and door step had been covered in honey, catsup, and fry sauce, our lawn had been toilet papered and plastic utensils had been stabbed into the lawn, our cars had cheese-wiz all over them and glass root beer bottles were under the tires of our cars. It was insane. Later, we found out from another neighbor that the same thing had happened to them and it was the kids from the house across the street. Finally, one day when AJ was outside with his friends and the dad from that house came over and kind of got into a fight with AJ about driving too fast down the road. That dad had also gotten in a fight with one of my brother-in-laws about driving too fast down the road. Then one day my mom answers the door to a cop who said that the people across the street called them and reported AJ's license plate and one of his friends license plate to them because they were speeding down the road. My mom talked with the cop and he said that there was nothing he could do since this was a private road and it wasn't really a big deal.

Obviously, as you can tell, we aren't the biggest friends with the neighbors across the street and for more than one reason, I don't really like them. (So back to our original story).

AJ sees the dad outside and we start talking about them and AJ says, "You know asking us to slow down when their kids are outside isn't really an outrageous request. I should go say sorry to him." I quickly reply and remind him of all the stuff they did and how they are jerks and don't deserve any kind of apology, and that they should apologize to us. I'm pretty sure that AJ didn't here anything I said, stands up and says, "I'm going to go apologize," and by the time I could say anything he was across the lawn.

I couldn't help but smile and feel an enormous amount of joy at his amazing Christ-like action. I could only hear him a little bit, but he said something like, "I just wanted to apologize to you for getting in that fight with you. It is a reasonable request to ask us to slow down around your kids, and I'm sorry about that." I didn't hear what the other guy said, but they shook hands and that was it. I am always reminded at how wonderful AJ is and what a humble man he is. He had nothing to apologize for, we don't speed down this road and there are so many more things that this family has done to us and yet he goes over to them and apologizes. I love him and I can't believe how amazing he is. I need to try to be more like AJ and just be kind and forgiving, no matter how much wrong someone has done to me. He was radiant the rest of the day. Doing this one good deed made his day and I fed off of his joy. It was a great day because of one simple apology.

The 90's

2010-04-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

So I have a 90's playlist, or as far as I can remember most of these songs came out before I was 12, and it has been so nostalgic. I love listening to what my favorite songs used to be but my favorite has been listening to old Backstreet Boys and 'Nsync music. It makes me laugh to think of what was so cool then and to see pictures of them when they were the dream of every teenage girl.

I love these pictures they look like they are 12! Too funny. Anyway then I also remembered that every girl, at least that I knew, also wanted to be a Spice Girl and I can even still remember all of their Spice names: Ginger Spice, Baby Spice, Posh Spice, Sporty Spice... I think it was Scary Spice, or something like that.

I consider myself a little cool for always wanting to be Posh Spice or Victoria Beckam because she is like a fashion icon today. I really did it because she was pretty and I wanted to be different from every other girl on the planet that wanted to be Baby Spice. On that side note I remember in always wanting to be the yellow Power Ranger when I was five because I hated the color pink and didn't want to be the pink Power Ranger like every other girl.

Funny how I didn't care that she was a completely different nationality than me. Anyway I thought I would post my 90's playlist for your nostalgic pleasure as well.

Haha! Exactly!

2010-03-24T21:08:00.000-07:00

A little warning before hand this commercial is about periods. Just letting you know.

I saw this add on TV tonight and thought it was totally hilarious. The sarcasm is perfect and I especially loved what she says about the blue liquid, too true. It was such an awesome add that I had to share. I have to say they have some great advertisers because I totally want to buy these now.

Prayers for Ernie

2010-03-15T06:15:00.000-07:00

I guess I didn't realize how much I love my dog, Ernie, until we almost lost him. It happened so fast that we hardly had time to breathe. This past Thursday I got a text from AJ saying, "When do you get home?" On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have school till about 8 PM and so I call him wondering why he is asking because I swear I tell him like every Tuesday and Thursday. He tells me that Ernie is acting weird and sick and I told him that it was probably nothing and that he should just hold him and make sure he is warm and I will be home soon to take care of him.

When I got home Ernie was excited to see me but usually he will jump off of AJ's lap and jump at my legs, or hear me walking up the stairs and wait by the door till I come in and then jump at my legs until I give him my full attention. This time when I walked in his tail wagged a little and he wouldn't jump off of AJ's lap. I was a little concerned but thought that maybe he just needed to go out. When we came back in I took his leash off and he usually will dash up the stairs before I can make it up one stair and this time he slowly went up about 4 stairs, stopped, and turned around and looked at me. That worried me. I took him upstairs laid him down in a blanket and hoped he would fall asleep. He was breating like he was in a lot of pain and me and AJ were continually getting more and more worried about him. He wouldn't eat and he wouldn't drink, he would walk but not far.

We tried to get him to go to bed with us and he slept a little, but I didn't. Any sort of movement from him made me wake up to check how he was. You could tell that he was in so much pain and around 2 AM he stretched out on our bed and started shaking and breathing so heavy that it sounded like he was hardly getting any air. We frantically grabbed him and took him to a pet ER (surprisingly enough there is such a thing and it is expensive). The doctor gave us some pain pills for Ernie and said that most likely it was his back and to take him to the vet tomorrow to get him x-rayed and such.

Luckily once Ernie got the pain pills in him he slept all night and into the morning with me and AJ. We were told by the ER doctor that it wasn't life threatening and that he would be okay but when me and AJ woke up Ernie could use his back legs at all, he couldn't walk, he could only drag them behind him. It made us nervous but we figured that it couldn't be that bad and that it was probably from the muscle relaxers. The vet checked him out and said that it was his back and they would take x-rays for us and said that he would most likely need surgery and that was at least $2000. At that comment AJ burst into tears, I tried to stay strong for the both of us until the doctor left the room and did pretty good. She left and we both started sobbing because we knew that we just didn't have that kind of money to give for surgery for Ernie.

The doctor came back with Ernie after his x-rays and getting his nails trimmed and showed us the problem with his back. He had one large calciated disk in his back that was pushing on his spine and cutting off the nerves that made his back legs walk. She said that she called some doctors about surgery for us and said that for low care and people who basically aren't experienced with the surgery it would cost $2500, and for an experienced staff and doctor it would be $4000. Also she said that would be the cost for removing the one calciated disk, he had another growing right next to it and more growing up his spine. She also told us that this wouldn't guarantee that he would get better or solve the problem. I couldn't handle what she was telling us and just stood there and cried and tried not to look her in the eye.

Finally AJ asked her about euthanization. We didn't have the money for a good surgery that may not even work and more money on top of that for the more calciated disks coming in and we didn't want Ernie to suffer, be paralyzed and hurt. AJ is unemployed and I hardly make enough to pay our bills. I wanted to pay for it though. I wanted to through everything we had into keeping him functioning and normal, but realistically we just aren't able to. This really sent me over board and I couldn't help but just stare and Ernie and think, "He is still right here, he is still right here." She said that we can try to just give him the pills and see if he would get better on those but she said that only about 20% of dogs are able to come back with pills. We decided to take our chances.

The doctor sent us home with some steroids that would help with inflamation in his back and muscle relaxers. When we got home we called everyone and asked what we should do, should we get on a payment plan, should we get it over with, what should we do? Me and AJ cried so hard. We were being slapped in the face yet again by life. It felt so cruel that Ernie is only 3 years old and we are already having to make this kind of decision. I felt so cruel having to put a price on my best friend's, practically child's, life. We decided to give the pills to the next day and see if he showed any improvement at all we wouldn't put him down and we would give him the weekend.

I'm happy to say that Ernie is in the 20%. He is walking and ran away from me yesterday when I took him outside with out a leash. I can't believe the miracle that has been given to us, if only for a short while longer. We don't let him jump and hardly walk, but he can. The day after we saw the vet he started to get some resistence in his back legs and has only been getting better since then. He is doing really good and hopefully we will get to keep him a little while longer, maybe we will even be able to save some money to get him that surgery. I'm just so grateful to have him even a few months longer. I love him so much. So even if it is lame to you, please pray for Ernie, I'm pretty selfish and want him to live a long and happy life with us.

Sorry for the novel.

Weird Names and the Winner!

2010-03-04T05:27:00.000-08:00

I actually haven't won anything...yet, but I thought I would let you know that I am submitting paintings number 1, 2, and 6 for the art show. I will let you know how they do in like a week or so.

Also, I have been wanting to blog about this for a while. I have slowly been collecting the weird names that I see in my job. Mostly I did this because my cousin, Cassie, loves to hear weird names that cruel parents bestow on their children, and because I really do come across some crazy ones. Here they are for the past month. I have also arranged them in weirdness. Starting from the top are the ones that are weird and the ones at the bottom are weird, funny, and just ridiculous, so basically it just goes from bad to worse.

20. Mikiala (I think this name is trying to be a variation of Makayla, maybe?)
19. Laiyan
18. Tyree
(17 and 16 are just proof that all some people do is put Ta or La in front of some other name to make it unique like LaTazia, or TaTazia, haha)
17. Tajuana
16. Tameka
15. Emigene
14. Aristine
13. Genesis (They named their next children Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy)
12. Ligia
11. Rhodora
10. Sue Loop (Sue is not an abnormal name but with the last name of Loop it is, then it is like you are almost just saying Sloop, which really is just like saying Soup, "Hi my name is Soup!")
9. Chara
8. Bharathy
7. Parik
6. Hoyoon
5. Amith
4. Elke
3. Sopheak
2. Lorgia (Really this is just a rearrangement of Gloria, but really what the?)
And the best worst name that I have heard all month......
1. Methany! (And I'm sure her siblings name are Nicotina and Cocaney)

I really don't mind unique names, I have one myself but really think hard about the name you are giving your baby and just use some common sense. Don't take a name like Tamara and name your baby Camara to be creative, because its not creative. You just named your baby after an object like Fork or Computer.

I will keep track of more names for you and post some more next month!

An Art Show

2010-02-24T08:25:00.000-08:00

My work is having an art show and after much delibiration I think I am going to enter. I wanted to know what you think I should enter. There is a prize of $50 which would be pretty cool to win too. Let me know what you think I should submit out of these options.

Oil Paitings
Number 1

Number 2

Number 3

Number 4

Number 5

Number 6

Number 7

Colored Pencils
Number 8

Graphite Sketches

Number 9

Number 10(only if it is okay with you Aubrey and Travis)

Gag...

2010-02-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

Me and AJ found this the other day and it is one reason that I'm really glad I didn't have a marriage in the 60's.

I love AJ!

2010-02-15T06:22:00.001-08:00

I have been really sick this past week. I got bronchitis and a sinus infection along with some puking. I was the sickest I have been in a long time. AJ was my hero this past week and did everything I needed to keep me as happy as possible even though I was not doing so good. He even cleaned out my throw-up-bucket with out puking! He is just amazing and I love him. These are some Valentines pictures of him and me. Not really looking our best, because I have been so sick and AJ has been busy taking care of me, but happy and smiling anyway. I especially love the last one where you can really see my red nose. I love you so much AJ and thank you so much for all your help and love, I don't think I would have made it with out you. Here's to better days.

Groundhog's Day and Ender's Game

2010-02-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

Yay for Grounghog's Day! I love watching this every year. Hopefully one year I will actually be able to go. It was a great birthday this year. I got to sleep in, I didn't have to work or go to school, sweet AJ made me breakfast, then we got me 2 new shirts, and 2 new books: Little Women, and The Red Tent. We also went to dinner and came home and watched some movies, I loved spending that entire day with AJ, he is so much fun.

I also finished Ender's Game yesterday. I really like that book (thanks for the suggestion Megan!) and am really glad I read it. There were so many surprises and twists at the end that it was impossible to put it down. Ender was such an amazing character and I loved his story. I also loved how this author wrote. He had such a captivating way of writing that when he would describe what Ender was going through or the exhaustion that had overwhelmed him it was as though I was going through the exact same thing. I love when authors can captivate me so that I really feel as though I have left my body and am living through someone else's eyes. That is the best thing about books and why I love reading.

I'm reading Little Women next. I wanted to read a classic. I think I may try to read a book once a month or faster, but at least once a month. Even with school and work, I have found that if I don't have something to read I slowly lose some sanity and some of my self. I need to have a book that I can escape to every once in a while. I'll let you know how it is!

Goodbye and Good Ridance 2009

2010-01-07T06:02:00.000-08:00

I may be a little spitefull towards 2009 because of all the sucky events that happened. Its not really the years fault but it just hasn't been a good year for me. But their have been some really cool things that happened too so here is a look back and the format for this was taken from my sister, thanks Kateka!

Funnest Event

My anniversary
The Lewis Reunion

Biggest Purchase

Running shoes - I bought these this year and I love them but they were quite the purchase I'm thinking around $100, but they were totally worth it and I love them.
Swimming suit - It is a really nice one that I'm sure will last me a while but again totally worth it, I love it and I can't wait for warm weather so I can go swimming again.
Glasses - I hate wearing my glasses but it is nice to know that if the contacts run out I have something that will help me see. I have like the worst vision and so because of that they got really expensive, lame.

Favorite Movie(s)

Star Trek - best summer movie totally loved it.
UP - I have never cried so many times in one movie and felt such an array of emotions, love that movie.
Avatar - totally awesome and definitely worth seeing in 3D. Thanks for going with me Travie (brother) it was so fun hanging out with you!

Least Favorite Movie

Year One - pretty much the lamest movie ever, not funny and gross.

Guilty Pleasures

Chocolate
Sleeping

Saddest Moment(s)

Getting in fights with AJ
My sister and AJ losing their jobs
Grandpa Bill dying - I love you Grandpa, I miss you.

Sickest Moment

Luckily I haven't come down with anything too bad this year, I did have a nasty cold a little while back but I have been good. AJ had a crazy thing though. He couldn't hear out of his left ear around the summer time and after like a week of not being able to hear we finally went in to the doctor. They took a look in his ear and said, "No wonder you cant hear you have a huge ball of wax blocking your eardrum." They said it would be easy to get it out and they sprayed some water in his ear and ta-da...out fell the nastiest black ball of wax. AJ was good and could hear just fine! Sorry if your puking right now over that story.

Favorite Songs

Fireflies - Owl City
Hot Air Balloon - Owl City
Comptine D'un Autre Ette - L'Apre - From Amelie
Exploration - From Coraline
Poker Face - Lady Gaga
Love Letters to Japan - Birds and the Bees
Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
If I Were a Boy - Beyonce
You're Gonna Go Far Kid - The Offspring
I Just Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble

Songs I Hated

Party in the USA - Miley Cirus
Who Says - John Mayer
There are plenty of others but since I don't hear them often I don't remember.

Achievments

Lost 25 pounds - that was hard and here is to losing a lot more this year!
Was able to bike 4 miles, swim for 30 minutes, then bike home another 4 miles.
Started back to school - totally scary but I did a great job and ended my first semester back with a 3.6 GPA!

Things I've Learned

Even if you don't like your job, its a job and if you don't work really hard at it you may lose it.
Communication is the key to a great marriage.
I really don't have any interest in buildings and no longer want to be an architect.
I really like math.
The best way to stop hating someone or get over anger is to pray for that person and find ways to serve them. It is hard but it works and it works fast.
There are always two sides to every story.
The best way to push yourself when your working out is constant self-encouragment. I was a lot stonger than I thought I was and if I told myself, "You can make it over this hill, keep biking, your almost there, you are strong enough!" I would make it, but if even for a moment I doubted myself, I wouldn't make it. This actually could be applied to a ton of stuff in life.

You know I guess 2009 wasn't that bad. I guess I was really just focusing on the bad things through out the year, but there was so much great stuff that happened too. Hopefully 2010 will be a great year.

Happy Turkey Day!

2009-11-27T16:13:00.000-08:00

I love Thanksgiving and thought I would tell you what I'm grateful for...

My husband. He means everything to me and I can't imagine life with out him. He is kind, thoughtful, understanding, loving, fun, entertaining, humorous, and all together one of the best people I have known.
My mom. She is my inspiration and I always want to be just like her. She believes in me and helps me to do my best. She is the best mom.
My family and AJ's family. My sisters and brother are the best people for advice and comfort, I love them and their spouses so much, especially love new baby niece, nephew and niece. AJ's family is wonderful support and has been so relaxing and fun to hang out with lately.
Ernie, and when he sleeps on my lap while I work.
Ibuprofen
Kermit the Frog
Sock Monkeys
Really good books that take me away from reality
New jobs
Scriptures
Prayers
The Prophet and 12 Apostles
Love
Hope
Heavenly Father
Jesus Christ
Angels
Christmas Trees
Cute fabric
Food to eat and a warm house to live in
Inspiration
Hugs
Kisses
Babies
Warm hoodies
Wool socks
Friends
Strawberries
My red bike (I miss riding you)
Swimming
Cars
An education
Computers
Movies
Yarn
My green eyes
My health
Laughter
Chocolate
Josh Groban
Michael Buble
Bing Crosby
Piano's

Possible Break-In?

2009-11-21T14:08:00.000-08:00

So I work at home and last night was at home working alone. My mom was out to dinner and AJ at his dad's hanging out until I got off at 9PM. AJ and his dad came of for a little to get some games on the Wii and headed back over to his dads. My mom had called me like an hour before this, and said that she was going to dinner and would be home soon.

So after AJ and his dad left, about a half hour later around 8 PM, I heard the same noises downstairs. The same noises I hear when my mom comes home and does some stuff down in her room. My work room is right above her room and bathroom. So I heard these noises for about 10 minutes waiting for her to yell up at me as she usually does to tell me she is home or something of that sort. But she never did. I knew I wasn't just hearing things either because Ernie, my dog, was reacting to the noises to as though mom had come home. When she does come home he digs at the floor in the other room that is right above the garage. He only does this when she comes home and he can hear her down stairs and he was doing this when I heard the noises too. So from all the evidence it made sense that my mom was home. But she wasn't.

I called her and asked her where she was and she said, "I'm at the restaurant." Panic struck my heart when I realized that the noises down stairs weren't her. I told her, "Mom, I can hear someone down stairs." She immediately said to stay upstairs and that she would call 911. I, being completely petrified at this point, burst into tears.

She hangs up with me and I poke my head outside of my room and hear some wind, and think, "Maybe I'm just crazy? Is it just the wind?" So I call the friend my mom is with since she was still on the phone with 911, and tell him, "I think it might just be the wind." But he tells me that it is better to be safe than sorry and that he is going to stay on the phone with me until the police arrive.

When the police do come they scared me even more. Remember that I am upstairs and Ernie is with me and I'm looking at them over the banister since they came right in because the front door was open. The conversation went something like this:

Cop1: WHO ARE YOU?!
Me: (complete hysterics, I don't know how they understood me) I'm Tazia.
Cop1: WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE IS THE MALE?
Me: I'm (sob) Tazia, (sob) I don't know where the (sob) male is, did you (sob) see a male?
Cop1: WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?
Me: She's at a restaurant, she is the one that called 911 (sob and try to stop Ernie from barking)
Cop1: WHERE IS THE MALE? COME DOWN HERE WHERE WE CAN SEE YOU!
Me: (I frantically put Ernie in my bedroom and go down stairs with tears still streaming down face and shaking) I'm the only one home, or so I thought, I don't know what male you are talking about, did you see someone?
Cop1: (finally not yelling at me) No, but you are home alone? Did you call in the break-in?
Me: No (sob), my mom did, and she is out to dinner.
Cop1: So she isn't here? They might have told us that (he says this to his partner).
Cop2: We want to go through the house and check to make sure no one is here, you go out and wait in the car with the cop outside, unless you feel safe in that room upstairs.
Me: I am working right now and need to finish real quick.
Cop1: Okay go back upstairs and stay there while we search the rest of the house.
Cop2: Get your dog too, and keep him in the same room with you.

So I run back upstairs, grab Ernie, close the door, end my chats, and sit panicking in my room while I listen to them search the house. Finally they come upstairs and search too, then they go back down stairs and yell for me to do the same. They told me that they didn't find anyone and walk around with me and lock all the doors. They said that it could have been the wind but that they are glad that I called because better safe than sorry. They make sure I'm okay and then left.

Moments later Jim, my father-in-law, and AJ came in and said that mom had called them and they came over here as fast as possible. AJ held me as I bawled in his arms, I love him. They calmed me down while we waited for my mom to come home, and then we all calmed down together.

I don't know if it was the wind or if it was really someone downstairs, I'm just glad that I wasn't hurt and that nobody died. Thanks for watching over me angels and Heavenly Father.

Dilemma

2009-11-04T05:37:00.000-08:00

So I'm having a bit of a dilemma with myself. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I thought I wanted to be an architect because you get to be artsy and do math. Come to find out that while I'm taking these architect classes, I hate learning about buildings and think they are extremely boring. I don't want to just draw buildings for the rest of my life. I don't enjoy it in the slightest.

I'm wanting to pick a new major. I am considering being a math teacher and getting a minor in art so that I can teach art too. But I want to get paid more than $30,000 a year and I can't really teach and stay home with the kids, when I have them. I do think that would be really fun and I would enjoy it ... I think.

I also thought about going for an English major and becoming an editor. I would love to be payed to read books and give my opinions on them. I could do this from home and I'm not sure of the pay but with this I wouldn't get to do any math, which I love.

On top of all of this, I really like to make things. I like to make costumes, skirts, design pencil cases and really what ever. I like being crafty, but should that be a profession? Or should that just be a hobby?

So basically I guess there are pro's and cons to every decision and maybe I should just face that and pick what ever. I took one of those aptitude tests hoping that at the end it would say something like, "Your ideal profession is (blank)," but unfortunately it said nothing of the kind. It just told me exactly what I already know. You like Art, Math and English. Great! Thanks a heap aptitude test. Maybe I should just be an elementary teacher where I get to do all of that. ARGH! Can someone just tell me my future and what I will be happiest doing? I really don't want to make the decision and regret it when I'm 45 or older.

Is there any profession that you have seen for me that you've thought, "That would be perfect for Tazia!"? Because I know that I'm on your mind like 24/7 :)

Anyway here are some pictures of the costume I made for Ernie. He was Yoshi and I was Mario for Halloween. He was such a good sport about it, hated the costume and would shake every time I put it on him but at least he let me put it on him. Sweet Ernie.

The New Beatles

2009-10-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

Okay they aren't the new Beatles, but that is why I like them because they sound so much like them. This is Locksley and I have a new favorite song and band.

How do I love thee, let me count the ways...

2009-10-06T10:10:00.000-07:00

Too bad diet soda is just as bad as regular soda. I still really like it though.

Feeling Good

2009-07-23T17:39:00.000-07:00

I recently have signed up for school and registered for classes because a certain someone helped me to realize that I don't want to be at the job I have for the rest of my life. It is not the career I dreamed of having as a kid and I don't want to stay here, forever regretting that I never moved on with my life. So that day I started getting everything set up to take classes in the fall, and I cant tell you how great it makes me feel to be moving forward.

I also have ended the "Biggest Loser" challenge and didn't win but to me I think I did really good. I have lost 25 pounds and I am so much more healthier than I was. Not only that but I am making healthier decisions for myself. I would rather pick a healthier item of food than not. For example, me and AJ only eat whole wheat noodles for our spagetti, my sister recently introduced me to healthy fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot treats, and I really like 100 calorie snack packs, there is more in each pack than you think! I would rather just eat something healthy, than eat something that isn't and feel guilty about it for the rest of the day. I looked over the "Biggest Loser" blog that I was a part of and read one of my posts from the first week of losing weight and I read a really cool comment that motivated me, even now, so I thought I would share it.

"Sometimes I want to stop eating healthy, go grab a cheeseburger and a tub of ice cream and just quit. But then I think about how much I love riding my bike and being able to see all the trees blooming and smell them as I ride past, seeing my stomach lie flat when I lay down, knowing that I will never be that large again, and that I will be able to fit into my old, missed outfits. So... as bad as it hurts and as much as I want to give up, the wants of a healthier life are always pushing me forward."

I thought I would post some before and after pictures of me, it is just my face but maybe there is a little difference. Thank you to Kateka for inspiring me to be a better person, and to my mom and AJ for holding my hand along the way.

Can I Be a Biker Too?

2009-05-01T10:50:00.000-07:00

I have started riding my bike to lose weight for the totally awesome, weight loss challenge (Our Biggest Losers) and to just get in shape and live a healthier life. But in doing so I have noticed all the other bikers that bike in my neighborhood. I have a pretty set routine of going from my house to my in-laws and back, it is about 7 miles and yesterday took me only an hour! But I always want to look like a true-biker. Like this!

But probably end up looking more like this.

Maybe someday will look the part of a bicyclist. I passed a fellow biker the other day, he was nice and friendly said something to me, but because of my iPod blasting out all other noise I didn't hear him, so I just smiled and waved. Who knows he may not have been so friendly, he could have said something with a smile like, "Get off the road!", or "You're looking mighty fat on your bicycle today," and then crazy me just smiles and waves.

I have also come to notice certain things such as:

1. You are a nice driver if you see me waiting to cross the street and let me go first, you are mean if you drive past like a crazy maniac!

2. Kids from the age of 0-16 stare at me when I bike past or will stand in the side walk and watch me as though I am some kind of spectacle they have never seen and finally move as I slowly bike past them. (Pretty much want to give the stupid teenagers, that stare at me like this, a swift kick in the throat from my bike!)

3. I love to go down hill, so fun I can hardly stand it. I will go up this monster hill every day just so I can go down it on the way home, the speed is exhilarating!

All in all I love to bike. Even though I don't have the complete bicyclist attire of spandex outfits, fancy bike and helmet, I won't let that discourage me because I love this sport. I love that I can push myself harder than I can when running, or swimming, I guess it was just meant to be.

The View From My Window...

2009-03-19T15:34:00.000-07:00

So I have started to work from home recently. It's a pretty cool thing that my work allows its employees to do. It took a while to get it all ready to go, like 3-4 months, but I'm all set up now. My work room is in my old bedroom and in this room I have a window that faces north, and I'm really beginning to like seeing what happens outside of this window.

Usually my shift starts at 6 AM and so I start work when it is still dark outside. I really like to watch it start to get brighter and brighter out on the field next to our house as the sun comes up. Some days the field has a pink tint to it from the sunrise, but it doesn't last to long. I get a couple looks at the pink outside before the sun really comes up.

I also see a road north of the field. There are a lot of bikers that use this road and it is cool to see them coast down going east or trek up the hill going west. In my heart I root them on for exercising, and yet am jealous of all their boney bodies in their tight spandex outfits.

This morning, I looked out my window and saw a buck and a doe. I always like to see deer around but to see them so close was really cool. Then they began to walk more in to the field and more deer followed behind them! I counted 8 of them, 1 buck, 6 does and a young buck with small antlers. They all traveled through the field eating for a little and all the while the buck, with big antlers, kept his head up and watched everything going on around them. He let everyone else eat while he stood guard. It was so cool to see him do that, I didn't really think they protected each other like that.

Then this afternoon I saw a car pull off to the side of the road and just sit there. I figured that maybe they had some car trouble and that they were waiting for someone to come help. Finally after at least a half hour a car drove up facing the opposite direction and I figured, "Here's their help!" But the person in the car that had been sitting there forever, got out, walked to the drivers side of the other car, talked with the driver for a little bit, then got back in his car and drove off. If that doesn't seem like a drug deal, I don't know what is. I was completely shocked and couldn't keep my eyes off of what was happening. Then after a little while the other car drove away.

I'm excited to find out what else I will see from my window. I feel a little like a nosy neighbor, except I'm spying on a field and a not-so-busy road. I hope to have more exciting tales for you, so stay tuned! :)

Technology Overload!

2009-03-02T12:44:00.000-08:00

I am feeling a little overwhelmed, technology wise, lately. I'm a chat agent at work, so I help customers with our companies website and their orders, I also answer their e-mails to us. Then I have 3 e-mail accounts (2 for me and 1 for work), a blog, a myspace account, and a facebook account. On top of all of this I feel as though I'm expected to be updated on everyone on blogs, myspace, and facebook accounts, along with all the e-mails at work and my normal e-mails. Then me and AJ set up a new computer for me to play World of Warcraft (computer game) with him. Plus I am trying to be an at-home chat agent and so I'm trying to get my work computer functioning at home as well. And my laptop just died on me and AJ says the hard drive may have crashed which means I just lost everything on that computer! It just feels like it gets to be a bit much, you know. Maybe I'm a little crazy, but I really start to feel overwhelmed by all the technology. I hate how if you don't reply in the fastest amount of time and you don't know everything your shunned by the technology world. On top of that when you try to get help from technology smart people I feel they are always smug about it. My manager contacted IT yesterday to tell them that our server wasn't working correctly with the internet, he didn't believer he and practically just laughed it off. Not that I don't love technology, I'm incredibly grateful for it, and maybe it is just that my job stresses me out a little but does anyone else feel like this?

Did You Print Out This Blog?

2009-02-09T05:37:00.001-08:00

I'm not one to have embarrassing moments very often but this is a pretty good one that I thought I would share.
I was working one night and it wasn't too busy so I thought I would look at some blogs to make the time go by. I was sitting at my sister Kateka's desk and she has these awesome headphones that block out all sounds around you. So I'm sitting there listening to some music and looking at Kateka's blog as well. She usually will have some playlists on there so I will go back an forth between her blog and others to listen to her different playlist. Well, as I'm sitting there I notice that some of the people on my work team are looking at me and talking, but with these headphones I hear nothing.
So I take off the headphones and my manager and another manager are talking and laughing and he looks at me with a huge stack of papers and says, "Did you print of Kateka's blog?"
I immediately turn red and say, "No." I start to rack my brain thinking of how I could do that and was pretty positive that I didn't because I don't remember doing any such thing, but of course I think it is funny and start laughing. The rest of my team thinks it is pretty funny too and he hands me the stack of papers that I start to look through, all the while I am still saying, "I couldn't have printed this off, I'm positive I didn't, this couldn't have been me."
Then someone on my team is looking at the stack of papers with me and notices at the top of every page it had an e-mail address and she asks, "Whose e-mail is that?" Even though I didn't think it was possible, I turned the color of a tomato when I realized that it was my e-mail. This was clear evidence that I was logged into my blog account and looking at Kateka's, and had some how printed it off. I burst out laughing, and also hiding my face behind the papers while my team and manager are laughing as well. Then someone else asks me how many pages were printed. That was when I noticed that I had not only printed of Kateka's blog once, but twice! So I was holding 136 pages of her blog, looking like a tomato, laughing with my team feeling so incredibly stupid.
The manager that found the printed blog didn't make me pay for the paper or anything, it was no big deal to him, and Kateka thought it was a hilarious story and I gave her one of the copies of her blog. But all together it was a pretty funny moment.

Groundhogs Day/ My Birthday

2009-02-04T06:08:00.000-08:00

Phil Says Six More Weeks!

Phil's official forecast as read February 2nd, 2009 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:

Hear Ye Hear Ye
On Gobbler's Knob this glorious Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2009
Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators
Awoke to the call of President Bill Cooper
And greeted his handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths
After casting a joyful eye towards thousands of his faithful followers,
Phil proclaimed that his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers were World Champions one more time
And a bright sky above me
Showed my shadow beside me.
So 6 more weeks of winter it will be.

It is my goal in life to at least make one trip to go see Phil in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania on February 2nd. When I first saw the movie "Groundhogs Day" I assumed that it was just a fictional place like most movies. Only until I was older did I find out that on February 2nd, this little town really does have huge celebrations and I am determined to go! That would be the best birthday ever.

I lately love...

2009-01-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

-This new book I found- This paper flower I made for a friend at work

-Writing in my new magnetic journal

-That my birthday is on Groundhogs Day, who am I kidding, I have always loved that!

-And these 2 pictures

Newest Paper Flowers

2009-01-19T05:48:00.001-08:00

Here is the real poppy flower that I wanted to copy.

And here is my paper flower, the middle is different but I like it like this.
Her are the amaryllis flowers that I copied.

And here is my amaryllis flower out of paper.

More flowers coming soon!

Playlist Warning

2009-01-13T11:00:00.000-08:00

I have posted a playlist for all of your ears. They are some of my favorite songs that I have loved, some are even from when I was younger. I did want to warn you though there is just one song that has some bad language, "You're Gonna Go Far Kid" by The Offspring. If you don't want to hear that I would recommend skipping that song, even though it is really good the language brings it down a notch.

But if nothing you should definitely listen to these 3 songs. They are my new favorites and I'm sure you will fall in love with them: "1,2,3,4" by Plain White T's (I love the cute play on words), "The Heart of Life" by John Mayer (I love the beginning and just the whole song), and "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz (I love this because of his amazing voice, I love how he can make it so beautiful and control it so well with all the slides that he does, try singing along with him and you'll understand how great he is, unless your an amazing singer then I'm sure you'll have no problem).

Eight!

2009-01-12T11:43:00.000-08:00

8 shows I watch:

Heroes
The Office
Batman Beyond
King of the Hill
Simpsons
Friends
House
Family Guy

8 things I did yesterday:

Went to Church
Slept
Watched Gentry laugh really hard with Ernie
Made chocolate chip cookies
Wrote in my journal
Took a shower
Watched some movies with mom
Helped Gentry put a star on his tree

8 places I like to eat:

Chili's
Wingers
Subway
Rumbi Grill
Carl's Jr
IHOP
Village Inn
Olive Garden

8 things I'm looking forward to:

Baby Tarzan
Cassie's Wedding
Triathlon
Getting off of work
Riding my bike
My birthday
Going hiking with mom
Getting out of debt

8 things on my wish list:

To walk up the stairs at work and not get winded
Loose weight
Grow my hair really long
Get back into school
Learn more about myself
Read a lot of books
Make the painting from my dreams
Learn "Victor's Piano Solo"

8 People I tag:

Who ever would like to.

My Christmas Projects

2009-01-06T12:41:00.000-08:00

Here are my Christmas projects this first one is Christmas coupons! They were for AJ's mom, step dad, Dad, and step mom. This one is for his mom, because AJ likes to stop by and have lunch with his mom every once in a while and so we played off of that idea. I made all the pages and tied them all together with some silver ribbon. For AJ's dad and step mom, we gave them the same looking coupons but they were all for babysitting/house sitting while they go on a cruise in February. They really liked them and said that all the coupons were really cute, which makes me happy because they took a lot longer to make then I thought they would.

And now here are my paintings for my siblings and their spouses!

These paintings are for my oldest sister, Makayla, and jj, her husband. After I had done one large painting of flowers like this, she had the idea to do small canvases with different color flowers on them so that you could arrange them in different cute ways. So that is exactly what I did for her present because it was her idea. I still haven't given them to her because I wanted to fix the purple flower, I didn't really like it, but now it is fixed and as soon as it is dry, I will give it to her.

This is a painting for my brother, sister in law, and the cutest niece, she isn't quite this old but I thought of it as kind of a future picture. Its a little darker then it really is because I took the picture at night, but I think it looks pretty cool still. I did this painting because when I was painting a beach scene for me and AJ, Aubrey sent me a cool picture of a beach and said how she really liked my beach scene. So I thought I would do one for them, with their family included.

This is Kateka and Stu's painting. Kateka once said that it would be cool to do a painting with a hibiscus flower and a black background so that you could see the flower really well. And so I took her advice to heart and did just that for her painting. Hers is also dark because I also took this at night.

This is my niece Hailey's button blanket. I gave one to all of my niece's and nephew because I have a button blanket that my aunt made me when I was 2 and they are all close to that age and thought that I might pass on the love. I loved my blanket to pieces (literally pieces) and hope that at least one niece or nephew will love it as much as I did.

This is Gentry's button blanket. You cant really see his buttons because they are orange, but if you look closely you can see them. His favorite color is orange and so I played off of that color.

There was another button blanket for my other niece, Macie, but I didn't take a picture of that one because by the time I had remembered to it was wrapped up. But it was a really cute blanket too.

I also made a scarf for each of my sister in-laws, and my mom made them mittens to match (thank you so much mom for helping me with those gifts)unfortunately I don't have pictures of them because I forgot, but they were really cute, take my word for it. It made me so happy to give them that gift because they all raved about them and wore them all night which made me so happy I wanted to cry. I also loved how proud AJ was of me when everyone received their gifts. He had this beaming smile on his face that made my heart happy, and let me know that I had done a good job.

This was the best Christmas ever. There is just a different feeling giving someone a gift that you have put your heart and soul into. If you have the time to make your Christmas gifts I would definitely recommend it, there is nothing better than seeing that the gift you made is loved so much. It makes all the hours, late nights, pricked fingers, broken buttons, and sour thumbs worth it.

Here's to the Year

2008-12-31T05:43:00.000-08:00

When I started writing this post I had realized that it was the last day of 2008, and I thought I would make a post to all the things that have happened this year, but because of formatting on the blog it took me longer to post it then I thought but here's to 2008...

-Turned 20

-Got a new dog, Ernie

-AJ turned 20

-Learned that I love to paint

-Swam at my apartments pool

-Got a new really cool phone

-Broke my foot, and got a bright pink cast

-Threw out my back while in the cast

-Got Pink cast off

-Foot didn't heal, and got another blue cast

-Foot finally healed

-Walked in the rain

-Became a chat agent at work

-Moved in with my mom

-My cousin went on a mission

-My sweet niece was born

-Dyed my hair red and the black again

-Read a lot of books

-Watched a lot of movies

-Laughed and cried with AJ

-Had our first wonderful anniversary

-My cousin moved in with me, AJ and my mom

-Became better friends with my siblings

-Voted in my first Presidential Election

-The first black president was elected

-Carved a pumpkin like this

-Started growing my hair out

-Sadly, gained some weight

-Got a new bike to loose that weight

-AJ got me a beautiful pearl necklace

-Had my beauty mark removed for fear it was cancerous
-Got in a small accident and had my license put on probation

-Started a blog

-Met AJ's mom's side of the family (his mom has 14 siblings, plus all of their kids, it was a lot of people to meet)

-AJ's Grandpa died

-President Gordan B. Hinckley died

-President Thomas S Monson became the next prophet of the church

-Bought a lot of new clothes
-AJ got me a new wedding ring

So many things have happened and I could probably continue but that would get a little boring. This year has been a great year filled with all kinds of memories, not that it hasn't been hard because it definitely has, but it has been great. Here is to next year, hopefully I will loose some weight, get enrolled in school, and we will get out of debt. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Pretty Tired

2008-12-23T08:38:00.000-08:00

I am so excited for Christmas. I really have put my heart and soul into every gift that I am giving this year. To my husband, siblings, siblings in law, my mom, my parents in law, everyone. I have made gifts for them all, well except some for my husband. But I started in November making them and I am still making them up to the very last minute. When I started in November I figured, "Oh man, I have so much time, I don't need to push myself." So I took off a couple days here and there and then I realized how quickly and suddenly Christmas came. I remember when I was younger and it seemed like Christmas couldn't come fast enough. That was the time of the year that it slowed beyond all belief, minutes felt like years. Yet somehow I made it with out dieing from impatience and Christmas always came. But now I think, "WHERE DID THE MONTH GO!" and how did I possibly let it slip past so quickly. I am doing good though. I really only have a little of 3 gifts left to finish. But still, it is the 23rd and they aren't done. I am afraid I wont be able to wrap some (with out giving to much information for those of you whose presents aren't finished) in time to give on Christmas, I may just end up showing it to the recipient.
Last night was a difficult night. I finished the presents for my husbands mom, step-dad, dad, and step-mom. And sadly that project took much longer than I was expecting, but I am very proud of them, and I am excited to post all the pictures of my projects. Obviously I cant just yet, that would ruin the surprise for some. Anyway I finished those gifts around 10 PM and then watched a little bit of Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason and then helped my sister and mom tie a quilt. After that I worked on my last presents for my siblings, and by this time it was around 1 AM. For those of you who don't know I work at 6 AM in the morning and so I have to wake up at 5 AM to get to work on time. When I realized it was 1 AM I thought, "Well, I might as well keep going. I am not going to get any sleep tonight anyway." So I kept working, and finally was about to pass out around 3 AM. So I slept for 2 hours and got up and went to work. I sit here now at my desk in exhaustion or kind of in a coma. I don't know what I was thinking, I hardly ever get those rushes where I feel that I don't need to sleep and then when I choose to act on that impulse I hate myself the next day. Oh well, those hours went to good use, and its not like I will never sleep again, I just wish that I could sleep now. AJ was right, shouldn't have stayed up, then I would have more energy today, to work harder on my gifts. So take my advice, get your sleep so that you can work harder later. Maybe I will fall asleep now, no one will notice here at work, right?

Tagged, Tagged, Tagged

2008-12-08T11:15:00.000-08:00

Here's how this tag works:
1. Go to the "My Pictures" folder on your computer
2. Upload the 4th picture from the 4th folder
3. Post the picture
4. Tag 4 others

For my new painting AJ requested a beach scenery and so I saved a whole bunch of pictures of waves and the beach so that I could figure our how to paint the beach scene. I almost have it finished I just wanted to put a palm tree in there, but Christmas gifts got me busy so that painting will need to be finished after Christmas. But that is what this picture is!

Can You Find Him?

2008-12-06T17:26:00.000-08:00

I was folding some laundry yesterday and little puppy, Ernie, decided to get some warmth from the newly dried clothes and I thought I would take a picture to see if you could spot him!

Did you see him? If not here is where he is hiding.

There he is with his cute little nose sticking out.

Things To Be Greatful For

2008-11-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

In church yesterday the speakers spoke about gratitude and it reminded me of a class that I took at EFY on the same subject. The speaker at EFY told us to be greatful for things that we normally wouldn't be greatful for. So as I was sitting in church I thought up a couple things to be greatful for and because Thanksgiving is coming soon!

I am greatful for...

- A somtimes lazy husband because he gives me a chance to serve.
- A anctious puppy because he helps me to learn patience.
- Slow drivers because they keep me from speeding.
- Difficult customers because they always teach me more about my job.
- Dirty dishes because it shows we have food to eat.
- Laundry because that means we have clothes to wear.
- A dirty room and bed because that shows me that we have a good place to sleep and a roof over our heads.
- A husband that defends others because it helps me to look at each story from every point of view.
- A bold and unwavering friend because she helps me to never back down from what I believe in.
- Really hard questions about the gospel because it helps my testimony grow.
- Bad hair days, at least I have a lot of hair to have those days.
- My really round body because I know that I am well fed.
- A sore thumb because it means I have been working hard on Christmas gifts.
- Sore thighs because it means I am trying to be healthier.
- An active puppy because he helps me to be active.
- World of Warcraft because it entertains Husband while I paint or watch movies.

What are you greatful for?

How did I let it happen again...

2008-11-18T06:49:00.000-08:00

First, I must inform you that AJ is the best manipulator on the planet. He could pretty much talk anyone into doing whatever he wants. I learned this last Christmas when I was talked into letting him have all of his Christmas gifts early. But I was determined not to let it happen again.

I did some early Christmas shopping for AJ and have been really excited about my gifts for him. I have been so good for the past couple weeks on hiding the presents and keeping my mouth shut so little hints wouldn't slip out. I really was SO proud of myself. And then he did it, he used his magic powers and his sly words and talked me into telling him what he was getting for Christmas. Why is he so good at that? Better, yet, why is it so hard to keep those secrets from him? At least this year he doesn't get them until Christmas, he just knows what he is getting. Plus in an effort to find out what he was getting he would make deals with me. The one that I am most excited for is he is going to take me to Temple Square in December to see the lights! I can hardly wait! I thought that date was worth the telling of one gift.

Oh well, at least now next Christmas when he starts to talk about presents I will just put my fingers in my ear and block out his mind powers. That is the key. Well here's to next year!

I love...

2008-11-05T05:35:00.000-08:00

-when warm Ernie sleeps on my legs.

-laughing with AJ.

-staying up late and watching the election with my mom.

-having some time to write in my journal.

-thinking up cool Christmas gifts for family.

-Dove dark chocolate.

-snow... when I'm not driving in it.

-trips to Moab or St. George with Marmie.

-the smell of minestrone soup when I come home.

-bright Christmas trees.

-looking forward to the Holidays.

What a blah day to be had

2008-11-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

I must say that today is one of those blah days. I feel a little pointless in this huge universe. Pretty much all I do is wake up, go to work, go home, eat, go to bed. And then it repeats all over again the next day. So much repetition I can hardly stand it. I'm tired of talking to customers who are so unappreciative and rude. Who treat you like your a stupid pee-on. I'm tired of working only to make money to give to everyone else. I'm tired of fake people. I'm tired.

Wouldn't it be great to have a life of adventure, were you could fly to the second star to the right and visit Peter Pan and fight some pirates. Then go down a rabbit hole and live the weirdest dream you could imagine, or just step into your closet and be taken to a land of talking animals where you are royalty.

I guess this is what books are for. So that I can escape the realities of my somewhat boring life and live as an alien, a wizard, or a dective. Maybe that is what I need to do to get out of this down-on-myself attitude. I have often used books as a mood lifter. I will read all these stories and have a good adventure for the day. I'm so thankful for books. What would the world be like with out them?

Or maybe I will escape to a painting. Where every brush stroke I make creates new life on my canvas. I'm so thankful for brushes, oil paints, and blank canvases. What would the world be without the beauty of a paiting to make your mind wander?

I'm sure this blah day will pass, as soon as I have some more social interaction than the people I chat with online for work, but as of now I am just counting down the seconds when I can be out of this blue walled cubicle, and away from the customers, and the fake people.

Dexter Freebish

2008-11-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hey Dexter Freebish. I missed you. Thanks for joining my iPod collection again, I love your CD "A Life of Saturdays." Its nice to hear your familliar songs once more.

Drawing and Crazy Eyes

2008-10-31T12:11:00.000-07:00

Kateka with a blue contact in so that she has one blue eye and one brown!

Me with a brown contact in!

My new drawing books, I love them.

What I use to draw.

Learning to draw the back of the head

I call this the hero shot. Doesn't it look like he is a super hero out to save the world?

I think this guy looks kind of sad, but this is just learning to draw the side of the head.

And now I am learning about eyeballs!

Remaking the Classics

2008-10-22T07:19:00.001-07:00

I was looking online yesterday for a cool picture of Snow White and I saw this one and thought that it was really her with some cool back ground. When I clicked on the picture I noticed it was a real person, not only that but Rachel Weisz. So I went to the website and it had the rest of these pictures. They did say that it wasn't set in stone that Disney was going to remake the classics but an idea and these pictures must have been part of the pitch. Enjoy and let me know what you think of Disney remaking the classics, live!

Rachel Weisz as Snow White

Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella

Julie Andrews as the Blue Fairy, and Abigail Breslin as her apprentice fairy from Pinocchio

Beyonce as Alice, Oliver Platt as the Mad Hatter, and Lyle Lovett as the March Hare

David Becham as Prince Phillip, from Sleeping Beauty

Roger Federer as King Arthur

ONE YEAR

2008-10-21T05:48:00.000-07:00

Me and AJ have been married one year! And we couldn't be happier. For our anniversary we just took it easy. I was going to plan this extravagant weekend and ended up going with something simple because that sounded so much nicer. We stayed at the hotel that we stayed in as our first night of our Honeymoon. Before we left for the hotel AJ came home with a dozen roses. I love him. We went to the hotel and it was so fun to watch movies with him while eating popcorn and drinking sparkling cider, which always makes me feel elegant because it looks like champagne, but I was sad to see our weekend end. I had been looking forward to it for so long, and it came and went to quickly for my liking. Hopefully there will be many anniversaries to come so I can look forward to them. So here's to another 50+ years being married. I love you Handsome!

We are so funny :)

Pictures of Ernie

2008-10-16T07:51:00.000-07:00

Up close and personal.

Sometimes he acts just like a human with his head on a pillow. So funny.

This is his new bed. It is actually a cat bed because the dog beds were to expensive but he likes it, since he can form into a little ball.

This is his puppy dog look, what else can I say.

I was watching a movie and wrapped him up in blanket to keep him warm and he stuck his head out so that he could watch me while I made a scarf.

This is my favorite of him. He likes to look out the window and bark at cats and such but he was so peaceful at this moment.

Orion

2008-10-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

The constellation Orion has always been my favorite. Most likely because it is the one that I can find the easiest in the night sky. But still I like it the most. This constellation only comes out in the winter time (which is another reason to love the winter) and for the past couple weeks when I go out to my car in the morning I look up in the sky to make sure he is there. I know that this wont last much longer since he will be visible at more reasonable hours of the night as we get closer to December. But I still love knowing that every morning Orion is outside waiting for me to throw a glance his way before I go to work. Its a nice way to start off my day. So if you are out side around 5:30 AM look up in the southern part of the sky for this constellation and maybe he will sparkle for you too.

Some Sketches

2008-10-08T12:24:00.000-07:00

This is my sad attempt at drawing of my new baby niece. It didn't really turn out as well as I had hoped but, oh well, I tried.

This is Audrey Hepburn. I like this but again, not as good as I would like. Anyway, these are my newest works of art.

Gave Some Blood

2008-10-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

One Saturday, I get a call from an unknown number. Usually I wont answer unknown numbers because they can only lead to, "I would like to sell you..." or "Would you like to help us with..." or "Hi, is Betty/John/Carl/Kristy there?" So I figure the best way to avoid these annoying calls is to not answer unknown numbers but, by some chance of fate, I answered it. The person on the other end was from the American Red Cross and they wanted me to come down and give some blood because they need some for the tornado victims in Texas.

I thought, "Why not, I have given before and it wasn't that bad, plus I will be doing my small part in helping the victims of that tornado." So I set up my appointment for Thursday and ended the call.

Thursday rolls around and I was drinking water all morning long to keep a lot of fluids in my body. Plus I was eating more than normal to keep something in my stomach. I have given blood 3 times before and it always turns out best if I have eaten something and drank a lot of water. But from drinking all that water, it made my bladder suddenly over active! I went before I drove to the clinic, then when I got to there and once more before I left. So total that would be about 3 times in the hour! And they weren't just little sprinkles it was like, "Get out of my way or I will pee my pants!"

Anyway, as they were preparing me to give blood I was trying to calm myself down so that I didn't pass out or anything, and then the girl gave her little spiel about, "I am now going to clean the area, don't reach over, touch or move your arm while I am doing this." I have heard this at least 3 times before but, for some reason, this time I decided not to listen. The girl had finished swabbing my arm with betadine and I reach over and point to my arm and ask, "Does betadine ever get in with the blood that you take from me?" She gasped so loud I was sure I was about to die because she had done something wrong, and in the most annoyed voice says, "Now, I have to clean your arm again!"

I apologized a million times and immediately felt like the stupidest person on the planet. She started to clean my arm again and still hadn't answered my question, so I asked again, "Does the betadine on my arm ever get into the blood that you take from me?" She looked at me so confused and said, "I don't understand what you are trying to ask me." I'm sorry, I didn't think I was speaking alien today but let me try again. I tried to re-phrase it the best way I could and I think she finally just gave up on me and said something totally off subject about blood. Oh well, I guess I will never know.

I later realized what a snot she was and how rude she had been about the whole thing. I also thought that this is her job and I am taking time out of my day to come and give you some of my blood, so you can be a little kinder to me and not make me feel so stupid about the whole situation.

So I gave my blood, ate some pretzels and grabbed 2 more bags of cookies for me and AJ, because I felt as though I deserved it. No matter how many times I do this, I am still nervous. I feel that she could have been a little more considerate and understanding of that but really just a nicer human being.

Hawaiian Painting

2008-10-02T09:29:00.000-07:00

This is my newest painting. I wanted to do this picture because my bedroom walls were once painted like this. When I was about ten years old my mom let me paint my bedroom walls. So I did it. I started painting cartoon characters such as Winnie the Pooh, Sebastian (from Little Mermaid), Eeyore, Mickey Mouse, Kermit the Frog, and other characters I made up.

When I got into high school, I had grown out of these paintings and wanted to do something different. So I decided to do Hawaiian flowers. I loved it, the room was amazing when it was finished. But I really only go to enjoy it for about a year because I went to college and was living elsewhere, and then my mom wanted to sell our house and so we decided to paint over my flowers. At the time I didn't really care, but now I miss the bright colors of my room. So when I started painting, of course I would paint those flowers again. Now I will always have a part of my old room.

Long Forgotten Hobby

2008-09-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

So one night me and AJ were discussing how I never have anything to do with my time and how I really don't have any hobbies.

He had said, "We just need to find you a hobby that you will like to do for hours on end." I was upset that I really didn't have anything that I loved to do that occupied my time for so long. AJ always has computer something going on and is constantly playing games or building his computer, anything computer related. Me, well, I like to watch movies, but I get bored really fast. I like to read but I can only read for max 2 hours and then have to do something else. I really figured that I just have a case of A.D.D. and that I cant do one thing for to long. As I was contiplating the last conversation that we had I walked into my old bedroom and looked out the window, racking my brain for some hobby that I liked to do. Then I started to reminice on the memories of me in my room an how the bedroom walls are so white and empty now and how I longed to paint them with exciting colors again. Then it hit me, I used to spend hours upon hours in my room painting my walls. I had just figured out that my favorite hobby was painting. I had done it in high school and missed it so much.

I came back to AJ and told him of my discovery and he asked, "Why don't you do it?" I told him that I don't have good brushes any more, I don't have oil paint remover, turpentine, I just didn't have the materials that I needed to do that hobby. So he gave me permission to go get what I needed to persue painting.

I got my materials and couldn't wait to try them out so now I am back to my long forgotten hobby, painting. And here is my first with my new materials!

The Cat, the Flower, the Banana

2008-09-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

THE CAT

For the first time ever, I hit a cat this morning. I was driving to work, and as I was driving down the dirt road from our house, I saw to deer standing on the sides of the road. It shoke me up because I was sure that at the last second one of them was going to leap infront of me and I was going to die. But luckily no deer died this morning, and neither did I. But since that scared me, I called AJ to tell him about it. As we were talking, and I had just passed the 4 way stop and had a pretty good speed going and then there was the cat right infront of me. There was no time to swerve, no time to stop, it was just hit the cat. This is what the poor thing looked like.

After it had been hit, I quickly looked in my rear view mirror and saw the car behing me swerve and miss it and I saw that poor cat twitch. I was still on the phone with AJ, and immediatly said, " I JUST HIT A CAT." Then suddenly I burst into tears. I was surprised that such an expriance could make me cry like that. Sweet AJ reasured me that it was better to hit the cat then to swerve and hit something else and I now that he is right but I still feel really bad about it. Cat if you are in your ghost form and reading my blog, I am really sorry about hitting you this morning.

THE FLOWER

Here is my newest flower. It is supposed to be a peony, which I have no idea how to pronounce that but, that one took me almost 2 days to do because of the many petals that it has. Here is the new flower!

THE BANANA

I thought that this picture was worth showing you. AJ also gets really bored at work when it is slow, and this is his creation. I don't know how he came up with this but I thought it was funny. This is Benito, the angry corporate banana.

Orange Lilies

2008-09-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

So I have started making my paper flowers again. I stopped for a little while because it is really time consuming and I had a new job at work, but now that I am a little more comfortable with it I have started making them again. This is my Orange Lily, I have three of them on there, which is different from what I have done before, I usually will only make one flower on one stem but I did three on one stem this time, I think this one is my new favorite. I am going to try to make at least one flower a day. I am working on a peony now and hopefully that will be done tomorrow.

I am ... tagged!

2008-09-15T15:23:00.001-07:00

I am... always trying to be better.

I miss... the ocean, Disneyland, going to school and walking the grounds at Utah State, and the beauty of Logan.

I think... a lot about the temple. I'm going there someday.

I want... to be a painter, to be rich, to be a brilliant mathematician and physicist.

I have... a healed foot, but still an arthritic knee.

I search... for me, sometimes I am hard to find.

I wish... to understand all things.

I hate... to fight. I sometimes would rather keep it to myself then fight, not healthy.

I am... cowardly.

I fear... stairs, always positive that I am going to roll down them as I did when I was younger.

I always... watch the stars and the moon and want to be closer to them.

I love... the smell of AJ and the taste of his kiss.

I feel... butterflies inside if I stare at him too long.

I hear... birds outside and an occasional car drive by.

I smell... Elmer's glue and markers from my latest creations.

I don't... serve as much as I should.

I wonder... if I can make a difference?

I care... about my family and if Ernie is healthy.

I regret... not traveling as much as I thought I would before I was married.

I am... a dreamer.

I believe... in kharma.

I dance... in the shower or alone to a really bouncy, fun song.

I sing... in my car at the top of my lungs and stop as soon as I am near anyone who can hear me.

I write... about me in my journal, and the feelings that I have.

I win... when I work my hardest.

I lose... myself, often.

I never... do one activity for too long, I have to do multiple things all day long.

I listen... to music to fill my ears with noise, and lift my spirit.

I can... make awesome flowers. Here is my latest.

I read... as much as I can. Which can sometimes be hard with my wondering mind.

I am... creatively unlocking your imagination!

Little Annoyed

2008-09-13T07:34:00.000-07:00

So little annoyed is kind of an understatement, I was pretty mad this morning. Let me explain a little.

I am really kind of a monster if you wake me up from sleeping and I didn't want to be waken up. I tend to turn into the Hulk when that happens and want to smash anything in my path. Sometimes I am really nice but I don't really know how to control that attitude. You just have to take your chances because you may get the Hulk or you might (and very rarely) get a nice Tazia.

Normally in the mornings if AJ has to work and I don't, I will do anything I can to allow him to sleep as long as possible before having to wake up to go to work, because I don't have to work that day I can sleep as much as I want. This usually includes taking the dog out so that he doesn't bug us while we are sleeping. And this week it was getting him his clothes out of the dryer because I had left them in there for the past 2 nights. Yes, he was perfectly capable of getting his own clothes out of the dryer, but he asked me to and so I did so he could sleep.

This morning, I had to work at 8 AM, not extremely early or anything but we had stayed up late last night so I was tired. Around 5:00 AM this morning the pup started begging at the door to go out side, which I cant blame him for since that is when we usually get up and take him out. I assumed that AJ would take him out for me to let me sleep and he did get up, but he went to the bathroom instead. In anger, I grab the pup and take him outside to go to the bathroom. I was bothered that he didn't take him to go outside and also because it is so hard for me to get back to sleep once I am up, at least a half hour to fall asleep again.

Then like two minutes before I have to get up, the pup wants to go outside again. AJ, once again gets up, but goes to the bathroom instead. I was so angry at this time for not being able to sleep that I punched the mattress a couple times, threw my shoes on and took the dog outside again. I was fuming by this point. I come back upstairs to start getting ready and AJ still isn't out of the bathroom. About 10 minutes before I have to leave for work, AJ comes out.

Even though the pup is mine, it would have been really nice to see the same courtesy from AJ to let me get as much sleep as possible. I was officially the Hulk this morning, but now having been at work for a little while I think I may calm down and turn into Tazia a little more, which will help with the discussion about it all later.

Memories of High School

2008-09-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged and since I have nothing else to blog about I will do it!

Did you date someone from your school?
Yep, I did, that was were I found my husband.

What kind of car did you drive?
I got my car, a silver Mercury Grand Marquis, for a dollar and a stick of gum from my dad's uncle. He was giving it away and said that the first person to come and get it could have it. So me and my mom drove to St. George, UT, and got the car. He would have just given it to me but for some tax reasons it would cost more as a gift so I paid him all I had, $1 and a stick of gum.

The only problem with this picture is that mine now has quite a lot of dents, as my Indian neighbor once said, "That car has been hit from every angle," and he was right.

What was the most embarrassing moment of HS?
I was in the our musical, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and I was a wife of one of the brothers of Joseph. My "husband" in the play was about half of my size and had little or no muscle at all, and our dance teacher wanted us all to do this lift. I knew there was no way we were going to pull this off but we tried anyway. As we were doing the lift I kicked up really hard with the wrong leg and he wasn't supporting me so I came down really hard on my bad knee and knew right then that I had dislocated my knee for the third time. I laid there on the floor trying not to cry, and they yelled for all of us to get on stage and show the dance teacher our lifts. I figured I could walk it off and stood up quick and walked back on stage with the "husband". As the teacher was standing there talking to us, my vision started to get hazy so I grabbed "husband's" arm and tried not to black out. But too bad for me I woke up with the whole cast standing over me saying my name. That was pretty embarrassing and I ended up crying anyway.

Were you a party animal?
No, I wasn't in that kind of crowd, me and my friends parties consisted of watching movies and maybe playing Mafia, or something.

Were you considered a flirt?
I don't think so, I really only talked to boys that I really had an interest in or I was friends with, I didn't really flirt a lot.

Were you in band, orchestra or choir?
No, I tried to be in Accapella one year but didn't get in because I wasn't in the choristers Girls Choir my sophomore year. She wanted me in Cadance (a step up from Girls Choir) but I said no and did took a Musical Theater class instead, which was a great choice.

What is your High School's full name?
Riverton High School.

Were you on any Varsity Teams?
No, I wish I would have done something sporty though, like swimming or something.

Did you ever get suspended/expelled?
No, I was a good kid, I was on Student Government and would have been kicked out if I had gotten anything like that.

Can you still sing the fight song?
Ya, I can, I learned it before I was even in high school, from my sister. She even tried to teach me this rhythm stomp that went with it but I am not coordinated and so I never really got it.

Who were your favorite teachers?
Mrs. Hall. She was my math teacher my sophomore and senior year. She encouraged me to excell in math and because of her it is now one of my favorite subjects.

Where did you sit at lunch?
With any friends I could find.

Did you go to Homecoming, if yes with who?
I went with Taylor, my senior year, and James my junior year, and I think I was to young to go my sophomore year.

If you could go back and do it again would you?
No, I had a good time in high school and I tried my hardest to be the best that I could. I really think that I would leave it as it was, all though I do miss it sometimes.

What do you remember most about graduation?
I got to speak at graduation! That was the one big thing that I got to do my senior year and I loved it.

Did you ever Sluff (I know, Utah term)?
Honestly I never did, until I got a car. My mom said that as long as I graduated I was fine.

Were you in any clubs?
I guess I was in a Theater Club, and I did Student Government.

Have you gained some weight since then?
Sadly, yes. I thought I was so fat then and I would die to be back where I was, but I will get there again! Hopefully as soon as possible.

Who was your Prom date?
I went with Kip, my sophomore year, it was kind of awkward with it being my first dance and all, and then it was AJ (my husband) my junior and senior year. Those were fun times.

Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion?
Maybe, if I have lost some weight by then.

Looking back, what advice would you give yourself?
Along with many others, I wouldn't have seriously dated, until after high school.

Pictures About Me

2008-08-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

Favorite Color:

Favorite Animal:

Bad Habit:

Biggest Fear:

My Job:
Favorite Food:

Favorite Place:

Place I live:

Favorite Treat:

Favorite Authors:

Favorite Hobbys:

Me:

Ludo, my new favorites

2008-08-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

My dear sweet husband recently introduced me to a band named Ludo. I have listened to their CD and he was right. I love their songs. Here are some 2 of my favorites from them. I hope I have introduced you to a cool band too! This song is called Love Me Dead.

My favorite part is when he sings, "YOU'RE BORN OF A JACKAL, You're beautiful." When he sings "You're beautiful," I think it is heavenly. I love his voice. I also like the song Go Getter Greg, it is a really catchy song. Let me know what you think!

Paper Flowers

2008-08-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

I made these flowers at work and thought you would like to see them. They really are made out of paper, and I made them myself, these are pictures taken off of my phone too. Hope you enjoy!

This is my sunflower, you can tell in the middle that I colored it with a crayon.

This is the white rose, it took me forever to figure out how I was going to do this one.

These are my blue bells, they are one of my favorites and this picture just doesn't do them justice.

This is the daisy, I love daisies they are the best, so many petals went into this one.

I have to admit that this flower is my favorite. It wasn't much different from my how I made my rose but I still love it the most.

I also wanted to say thank you to my mom for my creative streak, I owe it all to her.

Moving Home

2008-08-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

So me and AJ are moving into my mom's house for a little while until it gets sold, because our contract is up, AJ and I and mom thought it was a brilliant idea and would help both of us.

When the idea was first presented to us I was the first to jump on the band wagon, and AJ, being the smart boy that he is, thought out every last detail. I love that he does this and is smart and thinks about all the possibilities and plans for everything, I am the crazy who will buy things and get things with out really thinking about it, good thing I have AJ to help me out with my craziness. Once we had gotten all of the wrinkles figured out we decided to move.

I am starting to pack. I have officially packed up my books, blankets, hoodies and some other miscellaneous items. But we still have a bit to go, I will do some more today but we plan on being out of the apartment by the end of this week, hopefully that is how it will go.

I really am excited to be moving back in with my mom. Although I love being married to AJ, I feel like I missed out on some of the years with my mom. I got married at 19, and I was up at school for only a year before that and then came home that summer and that is when my mom started to get serious about moving. For some reason I got this idea in my head that I needed to pack up my stuff and get an apartment. All of my siblings were getting all of their stuff out of the house and I felt like it would be easier on my mom if all of my stuff was out to. Also, because I had already been in an apartment by myself and I thought that I should get one before me and AJ were married, so that he could just move in with me when we were married. I figured out one day after I was married that I was being insanely paranoid and that if my mom had moved when before I was married, I would have just moved with her. I felt so stupid for jumping to conclusions and assuming that when she moved out that I would have to find my own apartment.

So the fact that we are moving in with her for a little while makes me really happy because not only will I get to spend so much more time with my mom but AJ will be there too! When we were dating it was either hang out with my mom or hang out with AJ, and usually I was with AJ 24/7 and now, I can be with my mom and AJ all the time, it just can't get any better then that.

I Don't Want to Grow Up, I'm a Toys-R-Us Kid

2008-08-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

I want to explain where "The Brave Little Toaster" comes from. Not only is it my all time favorite movie but I feel like a brave little toaster myself. It is a theme, a simple theme that even a toaster can be brave, so why not me.

I am so shy and afraid to do anything with out someone by my side. When I was little me and Kateka were getting food at the mall, and the food people had forgotten to give me a straw for my drink. I was so scared and felt so stupid asking for a silly straw that I made Kateka go ask for one for me. I have always made my mom call places for me, or AJ be the bold one.

But I get encouragement from the brave little toaster, he is like the little engine that could. He is an amazing toaster and maybe one day I can grow up and be like him. :)

I also wanted this to be my blogs name because I love the simplicity and the feelings I get from watching "children's movies". They may seem silly and stupid and some people would rather do other things with their time but I love to sit down and watch a movie from my childhood. I love Ferngully, all of the Pixar movies and shorts, The Iron Giant, Meet the Robinsons, 101 Dalmatians, Sword in the Stone, Bambi, An American Tale, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Land Before Time (only the first one, the millions after are just too much), Little Nemo, We're Back, and many more. I guess I just miss being a kid, it makes me sad knowing that I have grown up and that I am an adult.

Even when I wasn't completely grown up I was still sad to see myself get older. I was really sad to turn 10 because then I was a double digit. I was really sad when I was in 7th grade and didn't get recess anymore. I was sad to leave my mom and go to college, and I get sad to realize that I am all grown up and pay bills. But the thing is that its inevitable and I can be a brave little toaster through it all.

As silly as it is I think that by watching those movies it makes the little kid Tazia inside me, happy. I like still being like a little kid. For example when me and AJ went to Disneyland on our honeymoon we both got a toy. He got a lightsaber and I got a really cute Mikey Mouse toy.

He kind of looks like this but he looks a little different.
We have played baseball with them sometimes. AJ's lightsaber is the baseball bat and Mickey is the ball. Its really fun to play. But I like that we both got a toy and I like that we still play with them.

So that is that, I love kids movies, I love to have toys, I would still play with my baby dolls if I didn't feel so stupid doing it. Maybe I will make AJ play barbies with me one time, that would be awesome, or we will play with his star wars toys, that would be fun. I feel like I am the only one sometimes who misses being 10 and playing house and pretending that my cousins floor is lava, or making huts out of chairs and blankets, I just missing being a kid and the brave little toaster is a little link to the kid inside of me.

Beginning

2008-08-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of an author or a writer, but I thought I might start up a blog because it seems like everyone is doing it. That sounds so juvenile but after reading my sisters', my sister in laws, and cousins blogs, it made me want to begin my own.

I have always thought that blogs were stupid because it seems like a journal that is online for everyone to see, and who honestly wants people snooping through your journal. But I figure that it is a way for my family and friends to keep up on the silly things of my life and get to know me a little better.

Here are the beginnings of my thoughts, feelings and moments of my life. I hope you enjoy!